Look, in all seriousness, there is a lot to process after this episode of Diarra from Detroit.

The beginning of the episode said it best: the car explosion split Diarra in two.

She was already conflicted about Chris, their relationship, and who she was after her divorce. I think part of her believed that finding someone new would help her find herself. Maybe Chris could fill whatever the divorce had emptied out. Maybe being chosen by someone else would make her feel whole again. But in season two, we are seeing the cracks in her logic.

She has been slowly realizing that she may be wrong. Chris cannot complete her or give her whatever she lost from the divorce. The worst part is that Diarra is starting to see that she may not be able to define herself through another relationship.

But let me backtrack a bit here. In episode three, Diarra’s neighbor hands her his baby. This is pure comedy, by the way, but so realistic.

It was like here, we are neighbors. We don’t know each other, but watch my baby. And then when Diarra goes off and fights crime with the baby and comes back home late, the neighbor is like How irresponsible of you to have my baby out for this long without telling me. Pure comedy, I tell you. But I digress.

You see, that baby, let Diarra know that she wants to be a mother. But that’s not what’s important. What’s important is, that the baby showed Diarra that Chris did not share that same want.

Now let’s bring it back to episode four and the explosion.

This is the wake-up call that splits Diarra into two, and it prompts her to see all her pieces. Here she starts to see all the things she wants that are representative of her identity but that don’t mesh with Chris, the partner that she now knows she doesn’t have a future with. But so much more goes on in Diarra’s head. She also carries guilt.

That’s right. All that uncertainty she’s already carrying becomes tangled up with guilt because you cannot break up with someone while he is sitting in jail for something he may not have done. Right?

At least, that is how Diarra sees it. She cannot simply evaluate whether the relationship is right for her anymore. Now she feels responsible for helping Chris (she’s the best girlfriend he’s ever had), and that responsibility gives her the perfect reason to postpone dealing with what she actually wants. Because when Diarra becomes emotionally conflicted, she will throw herself into anything that keeps her from sitting still with those feelings.

Oh darling trauma. How relatable are you? I remember in a therapy session the therapist looking at me with this look as if she finally figured out a puzzle and said something like, “You really don’t give yourself time to think.”

It wasn’t stated as a question but as an acknowledgment. She finally understood that I have somehow created a life so busy and so filled that I had effectively shut down any opportunity to just be still and think. But why do I need to think, I thought. Whenever that happened, I had to come face to face with shit I didn’t want to see.

So Diarra is very relatable.

But alas, I digress again.

So like I said, she will throw herself into anything. A mystery? Absolutely. A dangerous situation? Why not? People who may kill her? Apparently manageable.

Butttttt, an honest conversation with herself about her relationships and identity after divorce? Now that is terrifying. That’s crazy talk!

That is exactly what we are watching. Diarra keeps moving because movement protects her from having to feel. Every new clue, suspect, and dangerous decision gives her another reason not to examine what is happening inside her. But the deeper she buries those emotions, the deeper she gets herself into trouble.

You know how cats have 9 lives; Diarra got 20.

But before I crescendo the shit out of this analysis, I want you to note who Diarra sees when she needs to calm down. She doesn’t see Chris. She sees Danger. That’s the vision that comes to mind to rescue her out of her panic attacks. He represents calm. And you know how when we fall in love, sometimes we fall for the fireworks guy and not for the soothing guy? So in a way, her mind is telling her what she actively refuses to see: that Chris may not be the guy for her.

But god I wanted her and Chris together. I’m so conflicted. I also like her and Danger together. Oh my god, is this going to become poly?

Never mind, I am going down the rabbit hole again. Back to tragic comedy.

Her avoidance creates some of the funniest situations in the show, but underneath that comedy is a woman who does not know how to stop long enough to face herself. Diarra will investigate an explosion, confront dangerous people, and risk her life before admitting that another person cannot tell her who she is or make her feel complete. And honestly? That is painfully relatable. The comedy works because her choices are outrageous. The tragedy works because the emotions motivating those choices are completely real. She is not only trying to solve what happened to Chris. She is trying to outrun the realization that finding herself will require something far more frightening than solving a crime: She will eventually have to sit still.

If you don’t know what the hell I’m talking about, it’s because you are not watching the show!!! As a friend, let me hold your hand and tell you, you are missing out. Please watch it.