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As soon as the clock chimed 12 on my 30th birthday something inside me snapped.  It was as if I had reached my mid-life crisis.  

Suddenly, I became very aware of my mortality, choices and the path that I was forging for myself as well as my son.  Through that moment of self-awareness, I knew that something had to change.

I needed to become a better version of me.  To do this, I need to change a few things….

• Being more assertive.  In my 20’s I was frustrated and tired of bending over backwards for other people and saying yes when I should of have said no.  Trying to please others, made me unhappy.  I changed this; I reasoned that life is just too short to live it for others.  My life must be lived by me, for my happiness.  Now I say yes, only if it’s something that I would like to do and it will bring me joy.  I don’t force myself to do something that would make me disgruntled later.

• Strengthening my faith.  Through many disappointments, life has taught me that I cannot depend on others.  Through some of my toughest times in life, I have been alone or away from family and the only thing that kept me afloat was my faith and love of God.  I knew that I needed to strengthen and nourish this even more in my 30’s since I suspected many more hard and lonely days to come.

• Choosing to be happy on my own.  I noticed that the guys I thought loved me, loved themselves more and it left me feeling empty.  To change this, I made a choice to be happy and learn how to be happy on my own.  I pushed myself to go out on my own, see a movie, explore a new sight.  I stopped waiting for the time when I have a boyfriend to go out. Instead, I learned to seize and cherish these moments on my own and find contentment within them.  In my 30’s, I took responsibility for my happiness and stopped expecting a man to make me happy.  Although, I do expect him to join in on my fun. 

• Growing in wisdom.  In my 30’s I chose to see the world, to experience new things, to talk more, to be more observant, and to get to know more people.  I did this because not only time gives one wisdom but so do experiences.  I wanted to take myself out of the shell that I put myself in and become someone who is experienced and wise.

• Being stronger. I decided to start nourishing my body through eating healthy and regularly exercising and pushing it to do more and more every day.  The older that I get, the more that I need my body to be in its best shape to keep pushing me forward.  Last year, I completed five races and won third place in one.    

• Standing my ground.  Before, it was too easy for someone to change my mind on a decision.  Now, I am very sure of myself and my instincts.  My word is my bond, and my decisions are final.

XOXO Johanny