Talking about not being an asshole might sound humorous, but the subject has been seriously studied by philosophers and psychologists alike. It’s not just about avoiding being the office jerk or the obnoxious neighbor; it’s about fostering healthier, more respectful relationships. Let’s break it down with a mix of research, real-life examples, and a touch of humor.

Entitlement: “The World Owes Me”

Imagine someone who cuts in line at the coffee shop, casually waving off the scowls and muttering, “Hey, we’re all waiting here!” As philosopher Aaron James might say, this person displays a classic sign of entitlement. According to his book “Assholes: A Theory,” an asshole systematically enjoys special advantages due to an entrenched sense of entitlement, oblivious to others’ complaints. Don’t be that guy in the coffee shop. Remember, waiting your turn can be surprisingly refreshing!

Lack of Regard for Others: “Listen to Me!”

We all know someone who loves to interrupt or talk over others during discussions. Whether it’s ignoring the waiter’s attempt to explain the menu or dismissing a colleague’s input during a meeting, these actions scream a lack of regard for others. Effective listening might not be as exhilarating as skydiving, but it’s certainly crucial for not being an asshole. Just ask anyone who’s ever felt unheard—like they were talking to a brick wall.

Disrespectful Behavior: “I’m Just Saying…”

Rudeness or belittling others under the guise of “just being honest” is a common trait among certified assholes. Imagine a boss who constantly criticizes employees without offering constructive feedback. It’s like saying, “Your work reminds me of my first attempt at cooking: a complete disaster!” A better approach? Swap out blunt insults for helpful guidance. Who knew tact could actually prevent workplace meltdowns?

Manipulative Actions: “All’s Fair in Love and Work”

Manipulation involves using others for one’s own gain, like the coworker who sweet-talks you into doing their work but never returns the favor. It’s the office equivalent of a con artist. To steer clear of this behavior, remember that collaboration is not just a buzzword but a way to build trust and respect—unlike that time you ended up doing all the work while your coworker took all the credit.

Consistency in Actions: “It’s Just Who I Am”

If someone consistently acts in ways that earn them the asshole label, it’s not just a fluke—it’s a pattern. Like that neighbor who always parks their car slightly over into your driveway. It’s not about the parking—it’s about respecting shared boundaries. Regularly reflecting on your actions can help you avoid being “that person.”

Lack of Empathy: “But Enough About You…”

A significant lack of empathy can cause someone to act inconsiderately, not understanding (or caring) how their actions affect others. For example, someone who laughs loudly during a sad moment in a movie theater. Cultivating empathy isn’t just good for community spirit; it also prevents you from being the person everyone shushes in the cinema.

Aggressiveness: “Ready to Rumble”

Aggressiveness can push people away faster than you can say, “Fight me!” This could look like someone always ready to argue, turning every disagreement into a battle. Instead of gearing up for war over who left the cap off the toothpaste, try discussing it calmly. Peace talks over toothpaste—who would’ve thought?

Failure to Accept Responsibility: “It Wasn’t Me”

Often, assholes don’t accept responsibility for their actions. They blame everyone else, playing the victim when things go wrong. Like that friend who borrows your car, returns it with a dent, and insists it was there before. Embracing accountability can actually boost respect and trust among friends—far better than dodging blame.

By understanding and avoiding these behaviors, anyone can improve their interactions with others and ensure they’re not contributing to a toxic environment. So next time you catch yourself about to skip the line, talk over someone, or blame the dog for the missing cookies, remember: being considerate isn’t just nice; it’s also a way to not be an asshole. And who knows? It might just make the world a slightly better place to live.

Do you have an asshole in your life who needs to read this? Are you that asshole?