The other day, driving through familiar streets, I found myself reflecting on parenting in 2024. With all the information at our fingertips, parents are often still navigating with faulty maps, especially when it comes to the impact of parentification. This hits close to home for me—not just as a stepmom, but also because of the story I’m writing in Mrs. Franchy’s Evil Ring and the Six Months That Changed Everything.

In the novel, Isla has been parentified, taking on the responsibilities of caring for her younger brother, helping her mom with household tasks, and feeling like she’s done everything right. But when she’s suddenly sent to live with her dad and new stepmom, she’s disoriented and confused. Why is she being pushed out when she’s been so responsible? This is a direct reflection of what happens when children are made to carry burdens beyond their years, losing the chance to simply be children.

In my real-life reflection, I see the same in today’s parenting landscape. Parentification—where children, often the oldest, are forced into adult roles—can lead to long-term identity struggles. It’s a dynamic I’ve witnessed both in my stepchildren’s generation and in Isla’s journey. Children are navigating adult problems, left juggling emotions and expectations they aren’t ready for. This is particularly problematic when parents engage in peer-to-peer conversations with their children about topics far too mature for their emotional toolkit.

As a result, many kids today are in a tug-of-war with their identity—wanting to please their parents, while also grappling with who they are, and who society expects them to be. Isla feels this tension, too, in Mrs. Franchy’s Evil Ring. She’s a mini-adult in her mother’s eyes, but a confused child in her own.

So, what’s the takeaway here? Parents need to reassess the roles they assign to their children. Yes, it’s important to encourage independence, but there’s a fine line between responsibility and burden. And we need to stop expecting children to process adult issues they’re simply not equipped to handle.

For me, it comes down to fostering safe spaces where kids can grow and discover their own identities. Let them be kids. Let them explore their own paths, rather than pushing them into molds that don’t fit. Isla, in my novel, is on her own journey of self-discovery, and I hope to shine a light on how dangerous parentification can be, not just in literature, but in our real lives as well.