Marrying a man with children comes with a great many surprises. Four surprises, to be exact. Two of those are 4 and 5 years old. We will call them Cutie 1 and Cutie 2.
The fact is that my Additional Babies (Cutie 1 and Cutie 2) were hard to love. I know that sounds harsh, but it’s true. Developing a bond with munchkins that I could not keep was hard. After all, how could I love something that was not mine? I couldn’t answer that.
Each hello was exciting, nerve-racking, and bittersweet because I knew that whatever we taught them would have been forgotten by their next visit or not practiced while they were gone. I knew their visit would be temporary, and I had to guard my heart and not become attached.
Being the Stepmommy was not all that I had imagined. The reality of the situation crushed my expectations. After a not-so-fun day with Cutie 1 and Cutie 2, I sat on the toilet and thought of how maybe we had all misunderstood Snow White’s Stepmom. She got such a bad rep! At that time, I could completely relate to her.
I can think of some of the times when Thing 1 and Thing 2 thought I was the Wicked Witch of the West:
- Say ‘Please’ and ‘Thank you’. No, you may not talk to your daddy as if you are his boss. You must show respect in your language and always be kind to him.
- Yes, you must clean up after yourselves. Even in the wee ages of 4 and 5, you must pick up and help around the house. This may be your temporary house but it is still your house and you must maintain it cleaned and picked up.
- When inside, use your inside voice. It’s so simple. For yelling, jumping, and getting the jitters out, we have this awesome backyard for you to play in.
- Your job is to play and learn, do just that. Electronics are not your sole source of entertainment; revert to #3…the awesome backyard.
- You must read and write or scribble. These two things will help you immensely as an adult and make school more bearable.
- No gossiping! Playing mommy against daddy is not nice. They both love you immensely; all you have to do is love them back.
My relationship with my additional babies is one of the hardest I’ve ever had to work on. I can honestly say that it did not come naturally.
It took me a while,
- To get into the rhythm of two munchkins coming and going
- Splitting my affection between my own teenager Munchkin and them
- Accepting that my Prince Charming had others, he split his love with
- Letting go of the little things that bothered me but I could not change
- Accepting their personalities, which are so different from mine and my own teenager Munchkin.
It’s a fine balance, almost like a dance, being a Stepmommy: to love but not overstep, to be there but not take over the role of the mother, to accept their natural personality but groom them to be a better version of that.
I’m still learning, and I’m still growing. Cutie 1 and Cutie 2 are helping, Prince Charming is helping, and my Munchkin is showing me how. Everyone is so patient as I learn and get used to this new role, and it’s lovely. Wish me luck as I step into the Stepmommy’s shoes.
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